Invincible: The 10 Lies You Learn Growing Up with Domestic Violence, and the Tru

Description: Invincible by Brian F. Martin Profound and compassionate insight into the lives of those who grew up with domestic violence."When you grow up living with domestic violence, witnessing those you love tear each other down with physical and verbal blows, your brain doesnt know how to deal with that." --from the foreword by Tony RobbinsAccording to UNICEF, growing up with domestic violence is one of the most pervasive human rights violations in the world, affecting more than a billion people. Yet too few people are aware of the profound impact it can have.Invincibleseeks to change this lack of awareness and understanding with a compelling look at this important issue, informing and inspiring anyone who grew up living with domestic violence-and those who love them, work with them, teach them, and mentor them.Through powerful first-person stories, including the authors own experiences, as well as insightful commentary based on the most recent social science and psychology research,Invinciblenot only offers a deeper understanding of the concerns and challenges of those who grew up with domestic violence, but also provides proven strategies everyone can use to reclaim their lives and futures.The author is donating all net royalties to the Childhood Domestic Violence Association. FORMAT Paperback LANGUAGE English CONDITION Brand New Author Biography Brian F. Martin grew up living with domestic violence. The impact of this experience lasted into adulthood, but his quest for answers to long-unasked questions eventually led him to a revelation- the unlikely gifts that the experience gave him-and has given the hundreds of millions of who have lived through the same circumstances.By rejecting the lies that he believed throughout his life, he set himself on a course to reach his full potential. He founded several multimillion-dollar global businesses, built a healthy and strong body, cultivated a confident mind-set, forged loving relationships, and developed a deep connection with his children.In 2007, he founded the Childhood Domestic Violence Association, an international nonprofit organization dedicated to connecting and supporting anyone who grew up living with domestic violence.Brian and his work have been featured in The New York Times, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, and Forbes. He has testified before Congress, appeared on national television programs including Dr. Phil, and produced the award-winning documentary The Children Next Door.He was born outside of Newark, New Jersey, and lives there today with his two favorite people in all the world- his daughter, Ella, and his son, Frank. Review "I have never shared the fact that I was a child of domestic violence. And, if I had not met Brian Martin, I dont know if I would have. What appeals to me most about Brians approach is that it is based on empowerment. Our experiences as children living with domestic violence have given us the equipment—a secret weapon, if you will—to overcome all kinds of obstacles in our lives. It means we are not victims, we are victorious."--Tony Robbins, bestselling author and Peal Performance strategist"Attention-grabbing and revealing, giving us insight into the world of CDV. It will be a valuable tool for our staff and New York Citys most vulnerable population—its children."--Trevor M. Johns, acting associate commissioner, NYC Administration for Childrens Services"Martins kindness shines through this book. And though many purported self-help books often have the stench of the obvious—House too cluttered? Throw out stuff! Overweight? Eat less, move more!—Invincible has the air of honesty and hard work, and the feeling of someone who wants to help. It is not easy reading. It is not pleasant reading. But for anyone who grew up in a violent household, it could very well be the most important reading."--NJ.com"After reading Invincible, I was struck by the sheer magnitude of children and adults whose lives are impacted by childhood domestic violence. The stories will touch your heart and make you aware of this huge crisis facing our children throughout the world."--Marlene Lund, executive director, Center for Urban Education Ministries"Packed with inspirational stories of those who through courage and compassion have transformed their lives, this is a helpful book for anyone who grew up living with domestic violence. It shows that it is possible to overcome the obstacles of a childhood filled with violence and move forward."--Stephen Joseph, Ph.D., author of What Doesnt Kill Us: The New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth"Invincible can be a catalyst for change in the lives of millions who grew up living with domestic violence, as it gives them a compelling roadmap on the journey to heal and attain the lives they were always meant to have. It is a valuable resource that can renew their hope and guide them on the path to reaching their full potential."--Caryl Stern, CEO of the U.S. Fund for UNICEF"Invincible is poignant, challenging, illuminating, and compassionate—all at the same time. Brian does a fantastic job of illustrating points with real-life stories and a fresh perspective. The book goes way beyond describing the issue; it provides clear insight into the thinking and behavior patterns that result from these experiences. Readers are not alone."--Chris Newlin, M.S., L.P.C., executive director, National Childrens Advocacy Center Promotional Invincibleseeks to change this lack of awareness and understanding with a compelling look at this important issue, informing and inspiring anyone who grew up living with domestic violence-and those who love them, work with them, teach them, and mentor them. Review Quote "I have never shared the fact that I was a child of domestic violence. And, if I had not met Brian Martin, I dont know if I would have. What appeals to me most about Brians approach is that it is based on empowerment. Our experiences as children living with domestic violence have given us the equipment-a secret weapon, if you will-to overcome all kinds of obstacles in our lives. It means we are not victims, we are victorious." --Tony Robbins, bestselling author and Peal Performance strategist "Attention-grabbing and revealing, giving us insight into the world of CDV. It will be a valuable tool for our staff and New York Citys most vulnerable population-its children." --Trevor M. Johns, acting associate commissioner, NYC Administration for Childrens Services "Martins kindness shines through this book. And though many purported self-help books often have the stench of the obvious-House too cluttered? Throw out stuff! Overweight? Eat less, move more!-Invincible has the air of honesty and hard work, and the feeling of someone who wants to help. It is not easy reading. It is not pleasant reading. But for anyone who grew up in a violent household, it could very well be the most important reading." --NJ.com "After reading Invincible , I was struck by the sheer magnitude of children and adults whose lives are impacted by childhood domestic violence. The stories will touch your heart and make you aware of this huge crisis facing our children throughout the world." -- Marlene Lund, executive director, Center for Urban Education Ministries "Packed with inspirational stories of those who through courage and compassion have transformed their lives, this is a helpful book for anyone who grew up living with domestic violence. It shows that it is possible to overcome the obstacles of a childhood filled with violence and move forward." -- Stephen Joseph, Ph.D., author of What Doesnt Kill Us: The New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth " Invincible can be a catalyst for change in the lives of millions who grew up living with domestic violence, as it gives them a compelling roadmap on the journey to heal and attain the lives they were always meant to have. It is a valuable resource that can renew their hope and guide them on the path to reaching their full potential." -- Caryl Stern, CEO of the U.S. Fund for UNICEF " Invincible is poignant, challenging, illuminating, and compassionate-all at the same time. Brian does a fantastic job of illustrating points with real-life stories and a fresh perspective. The book goes way beyond describing the issue; it provides clear insight into the thinking and behavior patterns that result from these experiences. Promotional "Headline" Invincible seeks to change this lack of awareness and understanding with a compelling look at this important issue, informing and inspiring anyone who grew up living with domestic violence-and those who love them, work with them, teach them, and mentor them. Excerpt from Book 1 UNDISCOVERED GIFTS I came to accept the secrets of our house as normal. . . . I never talked to anyone about them. --Bill Clinton, My Life When I was six years old, my mother slept with a knife under her pillow, and I kept a baseball bat under my bed. It was one of those souvenir bats you might win at an amusement park, but it was the best weapon I could get my hands on. Although we kept these items hidden from one another and had no idea until thirty years later, they represented an unspoken bond we shared as mother and son--each of us determined to survive my mothers boyfriend. Keith was a big guy who played football in college but was now a bartender. He came over to our apartment in the suburbs outside of Newark, New Jersey, four or five nights a week. I never knew when he would be there. I could never sleep on those nights, so I would sneak out of my room and listen to my mom and Keith from the top of the stairs as they argued in the kitchen. I felt so small and helpless to stop them. As they started yelling at each other, my heart would beat faster and faster. The fear and the rising tension almost felt worse than an actual blow--until my mother would scream. Most nights I would come down the stairs to try to stop it; sometimes I would stand at the stop of the stairs frozen in fear. I wasnt often the target of the violence, although at times I would get wrapped up in the confrontation. Occasionally, one of them would snap and take it out on me physically. This went on from the age of five until my late teens, when I finally moved out. Those nights were a real-life nightmare. They changed my childhood forever and altered the person I grew up to become. They also changed who my mother was to become, and who Keith was to become. But not in the way you may think. You see, my mother and Keith both grew up living with domestic violence. And so did their parents. They all grew up the same way I did. This was something I did not understand at the time; something I learned only a short time ago after finally speaking with my mother in preparation for this book. YOU ARE MORE THAN YOU KNOW My story is not unique. In the United States alone, more than 10 million children are living with domestic violence--just as I did, just as my mother did, just as Keith did. More than 1 in 7 adults in the United States, or 40 million people, lived with domestic violence as children. Worldwide, the number of people who lived with domestic violence when they were young is approximately 725 million. Another 275 million children are currently living with it. UNICEF calls it "one of the most pervasive human rights violations in the world."1 Perhaps you were one of them. Or perhaps you love someone who grew up in a home like mine, or you know of a child in need of help. Or perhaps you are just a caring soul. Whatever prompted you to pick up this book, I am grateful that we are here together. The simple but powerful message that I hope to share in these pages is this: If you lived with domestic violence when you were young, you no longer have to live with the effects today. As Alison Gopnik, professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, says, "We are capable of change, but our childhood is part of who we are as an adult."2 We will address what happened when you were young, but know this: Having grown up in that house, there are certain lies you learned in childhood about who you believe you are, and they may be holding you back from reaching your full potential and experiencing the happiness that was meant for you. A friend of mine made me aware of the work of Dr. John Schindler, who defines happiness as "having pleasant thoughts most of the time." I love that definition because I can understand it. According to this description, I was not happy. I am now. How about you? Are your thoughts pleasant most of the time? Or are you like I was, feeling more bad than good each day, but not knowing why? The awareness youll gain from this book can take you from that place of feeling guilty to free, resentful to compassionate, sad to grateful, alone to trusting, angry to passionate, hopeless to guided, worthless to accomplished, fearful to confident, self-conscious to attractive, and unloved to loved. For every lie I once believed, there is a transformative truth. And buried beneath all our childhood pain is a whole arsenal of hidden strengths--special gifts. That is our true unexpected inheritance. Because we survived difficulties that others never had to face, we have far more potential than we realize. We were forced to develop qualities of resilience, courage, and perseverance that are now readily available to us as adults. They are just below the surface, ready to be used to achieve whatever outcome we wish. These are the hidden gifts from our past that make us something more than strong. After what weve been through as children, there isnt much that can happen to us now that were adults that can defeat us. We havent killed ourselves; were not in jail. We are still standing. Our lives have been so fire tested that, in many ways, weve become invincible. Ive taken this journey, and this is why I am excited for you. I believe that what lies ahead will help you discover your true self. As I have found, most people who grew up living with domestic violence are not who they think they are--they are much more. Think of this book as a simple guide that will lead you along the path to help you understand what you experienced, how it changed you, and how you can reach the potential that was meant for you. But first things first--as Professor Kelly McGonigal says, "To build self-control you must first have self-awareness."3 WERE YOU A CHILD OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? Who qualifies as a member of this silent group whose numbers are enough to populate an entire continent? Did your parents or those who cared for you hurt one another, verbally or physically? You were there, you saw it, heard it, you felt it. Even if they werent physically hurting you, it felt just the same. Research is clear on this point. For a child, witnessing domestic violence is as psychologically damaging as being physically abused. Did your parents scream at each other? To a child, that screaming can feel as painful and fearful as any physical blow. I recently met Crystal, a bright, beautiful young woman one year away from graduating from a well-known university. Shed grown up in a household where they used words and tone as weapons. Still today, she is fearful. She lacks confidence and feels that she is ultimately not good enough to become anything after she graduates. In an interview, I asked her: "When you were a child, how did you feel when your parents were screaming? How did you feel when you were anticipating that something bad may happen?" She replied, "I was fearful; I wasnt courageous enough to stop it. If I was good enough, I would have been able to." Today, Crystal feels the same way she felt when she was a child in that house. She bases her experience as an adult on what she believes was true from the past. This is what we do. But of course, her self-image is based on these lies, so she needed to hear the truth. As children of domestic violence, why is it that we would allow the opinion of our parents to control our thoughts, feelings, and actions? When you look at it that way, isnt it silly to be so affected by the words and actions of people whose judgment you know to be questionable? Awareness of these simple facts is the first step to creating change. Crystal began to feel differently when she took control of her thoughts. Did those who were supposed to care for you insult and demean you? As a child, there is no opinion as important as our parents. What they say, we believe. Many adults who experienced physical violence in childhood will say that it wasnt the pain of the h∧ it was the pain of the words that they remember most. Or maybe you were part of the physical violence as well. About half of all children of domestic violence have been physically abused themselves. For many, it was not the pain of the physical abuse, but the pain associated with the feeling that they werent able to stop it; that there was something wrong with them; that they werent good enough. Personally, I would rather have taken open-handed blows to my face than have to watch the two adults in my home hurt each other and be powerless to stop it. Whether it happened rarely or often, because it occurred in childhood, when our brains were developing, the impact can be dramatic and long lasting. In The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog, Bruce Perry explains that even a "very brief stressful experience, at a key time in the development of the brain, resulted in alterations in stress hormone systems that lasted into adulthood. These early childhood experiences will have a far greater impact than later ones."4 WHAT IS THE IMPACT? Living with domestic violence is physically and emotionally devastating, and the pain often stays with a child long into adulthood and often with dire consequences. These silent witnesses are, according to the UNICEF report "Behind Closed Doors," the "forgotten victims of violence in the home."5 If providing everyone an opportunity to reach their full potential is a common goal, then we must focus on this issue. If ending domestic violence is a common goal, then focusing on ones experience in childhood is critical. Not least because, according to UNICEF, the single best predictor of children becoming either perpetrators or victims of domestic violence later in life is whether they grow up in a home where there is domestic violence. These same children will grow into adults who display higher levels of depression, trauma-related s Details ISBN0399166580 Author Brian F. Martin Short Title INVINCIBLE Pages 288 Language English ISBN-10 0399166580 ISBN-13 9780399166587 Media Book Format Paperback Subtitle The 10 Lies You Learn Growing Up with Domestic Violence, and the Truths to Set You Free Country of Publication United States Year 2015 Publication Date 2015-10-06 Imprint Perigee Books,U.S. Affiliation Brian F. Martin UK Release Date 2015-10-06 US Release Date 2015-10-06 Publisher Penguin Putnam Inc Alternative 9781889322674 DEWEY 362.8292 Audience General NZ Release Date 2016-01-31 AU Release Date 2016-01-31 We've got this At The Nile, if you're looking for it, we've got it. With fast shipping, low prices, friendly service and well over a million items - you're bound to find what you want, at a price you'll love! TheNile_Item_ID:159982694;

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